by Cheryl Smith, MA
You are managing your time pretty well—things are
tight and there are activities you would like to add to
your schedule, like a yoga class or a new hobby, but you
just can’t juggle one more thing.
But then something happens that is about to add a huge
responsibility to your already overloaded schedule –
there is a crisis with your elderly parent or relative.
The crisis might involve your mom or dad falling and
breaking a hip, rear-ending another driver, getting
pneumonia, or wandering away and, this time, can’t find
their way back home.
How do you find the time to add one more thing to a
schedule that is already full? How do you take
time away from your job or taking care of your own
children? You are determined to take care of your
parent the same way that they took care of you, but how?
Feeling overwhelmed, or giving into a meltdown, is not
the only alternative.
Don’t get frustrated; get help to deal with this new
complex situation. With more than 80 percent of
elder care (an average 71 hours a week) provided by
family members, an emerging field of geriatric experts
known as professional care managers have sprung up to
help.
A Professional Perspective
When faced with helping your aging parents make
decisions about their future, making sense of the
information and wading through the options can be
frustrating. Getting an outside perspective from a
geriatric care manager can help assess your parent’s
needs, identify things you may not have considered and
create a care plan with possible options and
recommendations.
As specialists with extensive education and experience
in elder care, geriatric care managers are skilled at
assessing the level of help seniors need, changes that
should be implemented now or in the future, and
scheduling needed care services. Care managers can also
identify helpful community resources, monitor needs and
be an ongoing source of information.
Sidestep Complicated Family Dynamics
If you’re finding it a frustrating task to talk to your
parent about closing off the upstairs of their home to
prevent falls, installing bath safety equipment, giving
up the car keys, or wearing an ID bracelet for those
walks around the block, you’re not alone. Elderly
parents often find it humiliating to transition to
receiving advice, direction or physical care from their
own children. But in the same arena, a professional
outsider can step up to the plate and do it with
panache.
A professional starts with a level playing field that
creates a feeling of equality for the elderly. Your
parent may feel more comfortable speaking of sensitive
areas with someone outside of family dynamics. At the
very least, the elderly are more likely to accept
suggestions from a third party with a listening ear. To
your benefit, the geriatric care manager will present a
view to your parent that is unbiased by your personal
stress, emotionally-charged worry, and any unconscious
agendas.
When Kansas City business owner Betsy Stewart’s elderly
dad suffered a stroke two years ago and returned to his
own home, she was worried about his safety. But when she
tried to talk to him about it or make suggestions, he
brushed off her concerns.
“To him, I was just his child and not someone he was
going to take advice from,” said Stewart.
Stewart sought the help of a geriatric care manager and
was amazed at the difference.
“Having an outsider be the one to make recommendations
and talk to my dad about potential safety issues was
instrumental in getting my dad to cooperate. The care
manager built trust and established a rapport with him
and got him laughing right off the bat. By the end, he
trusted her judgment and cooperated with all her
recommendations. Additionally, the care manager pointed
things out to me that I hadn’t thought about – such as
potential safety hazards in the home – and provided
information on valuable resources.”
Delegate to The Experts
Just as you might delegate tasks at home or work to
those with proven expertise, take the same approach when
it comes to determining a plan for your parent’s future.
Seek expertise from a proven professional and you’ll
know that you’re getting information you can count on
while avoiding costly mistakes from trying to figure it
out on your own.
With a geriatric care manager, you’ll get inside
knowledge on everything from local facilities, in-home
services, and where to find medical equipment and
supplies to unadvertised benefits entitled by various
associations—local (such as Alzheimer’s Association) or
national (such as Veterans). Most of all, their
encouraging support will allow you to continue the
routine of your daily life while staying fully involved
with your parent’s aging experience. With a geriatric
care manager, your time with mom or dad becomes bonding
time, not time trying to haggle over what to do next.
Do you want flexibility to manage your day, putting
priority on the important instead of the urgent? Do you
want to prepare for the unexpected ahead of time? Do you
want to work smarter, not harder? Do you want to enjoy
your time with your parents without frustrating
arguments and exhausting power struggles?
Contact a geriatric care manager to help you set up a
strategic plan organizing and implementing the care your
parent needs. They will help you fulfill your own needs
to be involved as closely as possible while maintaining
your own personal and professional obligations. Whether
you need help for a day, a few months or a few years,
let decisions about the care of the people you love most
be guided by someone who’s been there before.
Today’s geriatric care managers are experts at wading
through the decisions and for a reasonable hourly fee,
can open you to a world of options. Their professional
suggestions are based on broad experience, understanding
of geriatric issues and most of all, the needs of your
ailing parent.
When you decide to seek help from a professional care
manager, you’ll get the answers you are looking for,
plenty of options, and the emotional support you need.
When To Seek Help
If you are asking yourself the following questions, a
geriatric care manager might be the answer:
• Are my parents safe in their home?
• Are bills being paid on time?
• Should my parents be driving?
• Are my parents’ health concerns taking me away from my
family?
• Are the problems that my parents are facing becoming
larger and more complex than I can comfortably manage?
• What kind of help would increase safety while
maintaining my parents’ dignity and independence?
• What kinds of assistance can my parents afford?
• What local resources might my parents benefit from?
(Adapted from the National Association of Professional
Geriatric Care Managers)
Find a Geriatric Care Manager
Visit the National Association of Professional Geriatric
Care Managers website www.caremanager.org for a
searchable database of reputable national care managers.
Cheryl Smith is the president of Kansas City Home Care,
Inc. She is a gerontologist and a long-standing member
of the National Association of Professional Care
Managers (GCM), past president of the Midwest Chapter of
GCM and a founding member of the National Private Duty
Association. For more information, call 913-341-4800 or
visit www.kchomecare.com.
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